Past scribes, hear ye. Thrice successively have the Hacks flourished in the Carrier Dome. This iteration, a 42-32 triumph, reclaimed esteemed glory.

The helpless Fanboys hath little providence on the sideline, and even lesser endowment on the court. The year 2020, in continuation with the previous two solar cycles, belongs to the Hacks.

“Luc Sigaud is a good man and I respect his basketball mind,” Hack head coach Andrew Graham said. “But I’ve been living rent-free in his mind for months leading into this game. Now my ultimate move of psychological warfare is name-dropping him in The D.O., something he’ll detest — or love. #ThreePeat.”

Grandiose performances from senior hacks Michael McCleary, Eric Black and Josh Schafer invigorated the Hack faction.

The Hacks ushered the score for the contest’s duration, but a comeback undertaking made the clash close for onlookers. After a misfortunate whistle, Graham scampered the length of the court to bellow at an official. Hark! The ensuing technical foul was deserved.

“I secretly wanted Andrew Graham to be ejected after his first technical so I could take over,” Hack assistant coach KJ Edelman said.

Schafer (8 points, 13 rebounds, 4 hustle plays), galvanized a Hack frontcourt that preponderated the rebounding oppugn.

“As soon as I saw Mike (McCleary) dive head-first into the scorer’s table, I knew it was over for the Fanboys,” Black, a senior scribe, decried.

Elizabeth Billman | Asst. Photo Editor

In the subsequent half, veteran scribe Danny Emerman (14 points) pinpointed a bundle of ternions. His fellow scribes overcame his offensive inefficaciousness.

Violations became interminable madness in the final 120 seconds. Fortuitously for the Hacks, senior scribe McCleary’s precision from the 15-foot line procured an ineffable lead.

“When they started sending me to the line, I knew what was going to happen,” McCleary boasted. “Except for those times I missed. Those caught me off guard.”

Still, the Hacks’ ascendancy wasn’t without folly. Kaci Wasilewski, spark-plug scribe, took a devastating tumble in the time of garbage.

“As self-appointed head cheerleader, I only had time to play three minutes, much to the chagrin of my fans,” Wasilewski bantered. “I did trip over my own shoes though so maybe that was for the best.”

Since 2017, the year of the Schwedelson, the Fanboys hath not escaped the bellows of the Hacks’ futility. For the Fanboys, the end does not appear nigh, and the end, perhaps, is interminable.

W.F. Whence is a germanificated staff sculptor for The Daily Orange, where he re-germanificated to sculpt this glistening prose.

Published on February 23, 2020 at 9:28 pm