So I found some valentines in my mailbox by mistake yesterday, and it appears I stumbled upon my neighbor’s family drama. Here it is:

Harold,
This Valentine’s marks for you and me,
Thirty years ago you tied me to thee.
With all three kids grown
And no wild oats sown
I’m leaving you with only my dignity. (And spare clothes).
-Kathie

To the Happy Couple:
My dear sweet Tyler and his lovely fiancee
I have a present that will make your day:
I need it no longer,
I’m leaving your father,
So take my ring, I’m off to Marseilles.
-Mom

Trevor,
I don’t think meeting you was up to chance,
In spin class, you taught — while I in a trance,
Worked those tight bike shorts,
An ass like a quartz
So won’t you accompany me to France?
-Kathie