BREAKING: With 11 months until the beginning of the next school year, only about 20 adequate living spaces remain around the Syracuse University campus. It is estimated that more than 50 percent of Syracuse students still have nowhere to live.

These students are beginning to crack from the stress of trying to find an acceptable home and potential subletters. How do only 20 solid living spaces remain? No one knows. But students are slowly losing their minds.

Most students have simply given up trying to find their own homes and have since adopted more erratic behaviors. There have been reports of frazzled students calling their mothers in a panic and telling them they are “just going to drop out.”

Undergraduate student enrollment is expected to drop from about 15,000 to 8,050 by next year. Other students have began petitioning for the university to provide housing within the Dome along with a concession stand meal plan.

Students in desperate need of a home have resorted to putting ads on Craigslist. A screenshot of one student’s ad is pictured below.

There have also been many suspicious sightings around campus of small groups of students inspecting various grassy nooks. They may be touring possible outdoor locations to sleep, as they will most likely have no place to live next year. The most popular areas have been at the base of the Crouse hill, the better-lit areas of Thornden Park and the entire State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry campus.

Researchers have found the most popular Google search among SU students is “how to build an igloo that’s big enough to fit myself, a friend and a small pong table.” Whether inhabitable igloos will be permitted on the campus throughout the winter is subject to the discretion of the Department of Public Safety.

Annabeth Grace Mann is a sophomore film major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at agmann@syr.edu.

Published on October 2, 2017 at 11:34 pm