This election was a lot like middle school: full of gossip and scandals, lasted far too long and brought out the literal worst in every single person. Like middle school, everyone had to go through it, though we are going to all lie to ourselves after the fact and say it made us better people.

All we can do now is cope with it. Since the devil’s liquids are cheaper than therapy, I’m sure the majority of us, certainly myself included, are all going to turn to our favorite coping mechanism come Tuesday. However, the particular kind of alcohol you choose to self-medicate with says a lot about you:

Wine

You voted. You probably listen to podcasts and made sure you were informed when making your decision, even on the lower ticket candidates. You might have even made a status or two. This election has stressed you out mainly because it is so multifaceted and complex. Each of the candidates are incredibly flawed. No matter which way your political affiliation leans, you understand that electoral college has truly backed us into a corner where voting for a third party candidate is mostly destructive but is a shame because a lot of the process really does need to be revamped. Have you finished the bottle yet?

Tequila

You are preparing to make a lot of decisions you regret more than this election. No matter how many tables you dance on, people you make out with or inappropriate places you pee, a new president will be elected. So bottoms up, my friend — might as well enjoy it.

Beer

Much like the fact that you don’t understand drinking, beer is a counterintuitive way to cope with things because it takes far too long to hit and will mostly leave you bloated and needing to pee, this election has probably confused you.

Vodka

Since vodka wasn’t ruined for you after that one night freshman year, you clearly have quite a bit of foresight. You voted early, if possible in your state. You requested your absentee ballot in time, for sure. Let’s hope it’s not ruined for you after this results day.

Four Loko

Are you 18 yet? Can you even vote? If you answered yes, then you are probably me. I would joke that this election ruined your standards, but the world started doing that long before this election cycle. Now it’s pretty much just a part of your personality. Your Twitter won’t be as funny after this election, but that’s okay because if this election went on any longer it would start to have physical repercussions on your health. Or maybe that’s the Four Loko.

No matter what you are drinking or where you are from, be sure you vote. The best drink is a liquor chased with civic responsibility.

Patty Terhune is a senior policy studies and television, radio and film dual major. All of her classes were cancelled today and she was raised to be way too invested in politics, so to see how she’s coping follow her on Twitter @pattyterhune or reach her at paterhun@syr.edu.

Published on November 7, 2016 at 10:40 pm