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Humor Column

Repeat our humor columnist’s affirmations to cope with the election

Emma Lee | Contributing Illustrator

Our humor columnist deactivated Instagram this week after the election results were announced to avoid a slew of American flag and bald eagle emojis. Other ways she coped included screaming into her pillow and having political conversations with cats.

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If you’re anything like me, then you instantly decided to delete Instagram the moment the official 2024 election results were announced last Wednesday. Mostly, in the hopes of isolating yourself from the aggressive slew of American flag and bald eagle emojis.

Once again, if you’re anything like me, you sat in silence all of last Wednesday, staring at the wall. Completely still, might I add, aside from the occasional eye twitch. It was a weird day. But it makes sense. It’s been a weird couple of years.

After last Wednesday, it’s hard to have a lot of hope. Especially as a woman, I feel angry. I want to scream all of the time. One time, I actually did, but after, DPS told me that I was scaring people.

Quite frankly, I’m sick of talking about the election. I’m sick of asking, “How could this happen?” when I know the answer. And no, the answer is not the “Wonka” movie. I have an entire conspiracy theory about Wonka’s relationship to the election that’s already been disproven by numerous Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs professors. Let’s just say, Oompa Loompas are not an actual marginalized community and are apparently fictional.



You might ask, “Well, Sarah, how have you coped with this last week of absolute misery?” Like I said, screaming helps. Just not in public, apparently. A few other things helped me blow off steam and make the world feel a little less hopeless.

If you need to vent but don’t feel like having a political conversation, I strongly recommend confiding your feelings in a furry friend. A dog, a cat, a guinea pig, a bunny — really any kind of pet works.

Unfortunately, my landlord doesn’t allow pets, so I go to my local cat cafes and tell them all about my stances on reproductive rights. They usually listen as long as I’m holding a treat. One cat didn’t seem to agree with me on some issues, but he was respectful about it, so that was okay. I think he was a libertarian.

Another way I’ve been coping is affirmations. Just for you guys, I’m gonna give you my top five, most special affirmations that I’ve been working with this past week:
1. Everything is okay.
2. The world is most definitely not going to end.
3. Having anxiety about this issue will not change the outcome.
4. I refuse to be anxious about things I cannot control.
5. AHHHHHHH THE WORLD IS LITERALLY MELTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!

That last one is reserved for the especially frustrating days.

The fact that I have to write a column about this is, not going to lie, hurting my heart a little bit. I was hoping to see headlines about a woman president, and now I’m writing about talking policy to cats.

If you’re reading this and you feel the same way I do, I urge you to please laugh. If not at my column, that’s okay. I’ve been told my humor can be “an acquired taste” by many. Either way, take time to find the good things in life rather than hyperfixating on the bad. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that, holy crap, there is a lot of bad in the world.

Try to smile about the things that bring you joy instead of this often horrible world we live in. If you can’t, you and I can go to the cat cafe together and show them what we’re made of.

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