Andy McCullough
Andy McCullough
Managing editor, Feature editor, Asst. feature editor
Spring 2007-Spring 2008
Might as well just hop into it for once: my ledes are usually too long.
So, yeah. It’ll be weird not working here next semester. Whatever. I’ll be around.
Now, onto everyone else. Let’s get self-serving!
The Boss: Thanks for the iPod.
Clayton: Let’s go. You got more heart than anyone I know. That’s all you’ll need.
Ethan: Ah yes, the Dominator himself. Everyone else will be bowing down in praise (except maybe Levin) in their ducks, and rightfully so. I’ll keep it short. I’ve learned so much this semester – like that the P-G drops at midnight, every night. Who knew? You did, man. You did. I got more from reading Yevoli and Jensen than I did in the past year of class. Thanks for everything. See you in Columbus. Mexico can f***cking wait.
Levin: Matt Levin would hate these anecdotes for this duck:
BULLET Hiring Matt Levin was the worst mistake of my career at The Daily Orange (besides that ‘Comstcock’ flap).
BULLET When Matt Levin gets a sandwich from Food.com, he asks for a pickle with a capital ‘YES.’
BULLET Matt Levin loves symphonic prog-rock and knee socks. It is unclear if they love him back.
In all seriousness: such potential in such a useless package. You’re like a Chunky. Fitting that a joke would bomb here. Our careers are linked, which kind of sucks. But we’ll get through. Let’s pray Rocklahoma comes to Ohio this summer. A girl can dream.
Gelb: A few words of thanks (I know, I can’t believe it either):
Thanks for MLAX. I appreciate it. Well, I guess more thanks go to George Williams for going abroad. So, ¡muchas gracias, Jorge!
But thanks for letting me try to be a sportswriter. I didn’t deserve it, and I still suck, but at least I’ve tried. And I only had to beg for a semester – not a bad trade.
And thanks for reminding me it’s all about the reporting. I almost forgot that for a shot. Guys like you and Ethan don’t. Hopefully some day I’ll catch up.
Anyway, if anyone ever writes a story about you in Esquire, hopefully it’ll be me. Then both our lives can be complete. And maybe, who knows, we might even be friends. Nah, I’m asking too much. But you’re not writing a column at the final four. That’s a sick joke.
Doc: You got the magic eye, Hoyt. Take care of this place. And enjoy yourself before it all comes crashing down: Qatar has Booty Season too.
Melissa: How ’bout that award? We won’t tell anyone that Ethan actually wrote the story. Enjoy the pseudo-rock star life this summer, just don’t go bonkers. And if you listen to any advice I’ve given you this past year, it’s this: Buy ‘Disintegration.’
Conroy: It was probably midway through this semester when a light bulb clicked on, and I said, ‘Oh, so
Erinn: The keystone to the funniest section of all times (Feature Fall 2007: ‘Our stories may suck, but we have the best ledes in the paper!’) and one of the best writers we have here. And to think, my first thought when I met you was ‘There’s no way this girl in rain boots will ever write Decibel for my section.’ And I wonder why I’m so roundly disliked. Either way, good luck with Doc.
Schonbrun: My vote for favorite development of the spring 2008 semester? People explaining elusive, allegorical writing by saying, ‘But Schonbrun gets away with that, why can’t I?’ You’re more imitated than Dan Jenkins – the best writer on this campus and you don’t even want to write. Thank God. I need a job, man and there’s only a few left. I just hope you never cross paths with the Pepsi machine again. Or that ‘Out in the rain’ story. See you in the Man Lair.
ZB: Now here’s a guy who enjoys himself some Dan Jenkins. If I ever need to hear a Schaap or Halberstam story, I know who to call.
Kyle: Those were some workmanlike times we had on that lax beat, eye black and all. Now, every time I look at the news front, I’ll think of Sean and Will.
Reilly: Anyone who came up with both Quarterback and the chancellor series is OK in my book. So what if your headlines sucked? Keep smiling.
Dana: Don’t think I’ve forgotten our pact. A man needs a backup plan. Hope real life is going well.
AJ: Uncouth, unprofessional and usually unwashed? Yup. But this paper sure sucked less after you took over. Thanks.
Pledge: I’ve tried and tried to rationalize it, to find answers, to make myself feel OK. But I can’t. I’ll just have to admit it: I’ll never be as good looking as Heath.
Heath/Heather: Sorry I spent most of that semester transcribing my own interviews. Rich Boy is still on the wall, and there’s still no snuggling in feature. I guess that’ll be our legacy. I’ll take it.
The Coward: You were the coolest guy who ever worked here. Too bad it was only for one semester. But we played Quarterback that one time, and that was all right.
Tashmo: Thanks for hiring me. Those were good times. I’ll respect any man who sleeps underneath a Dice-K poster. Cherish your E&J championship. You earned it.
Hannah: Oh, hey, friend. What’s up?
Dunne: You always keep your eyes open. Now, it’s time to open up your brain. Watch Johnny.
Hollywood: Meet me at the diner sometime. Ask Talie. She’ll explain.
Amanda: Good luck, JaMarcus. You probably won’t need it, of course. But it couldn’t hurt. Just don’t stalk the Man Lair.
Eddie: Yeah, our A1 tomorrow is on breast augmentation. And no, your inside tease can’t be ‘C-cups of Confidence.’ But I hope you and Julian enjoyed that bottle of Jack.
Paul Stanley: You were great. All the best.
Rob Fay: You were really great. All the best as well.
Spinelli: You were less great. But you’re welcome. No, seriously. All the best a third time.
Adverbs: Go f*** yourself.
Man regimen: 234.7 at press time.
Saslow: ‘Yeah, Eli hated it there. He ate soda and candy every night, put on like 20 pounds. And his grades dropped. But he always says he couldn’t have got to the Post without it.’ Well, I at least I did the first two. And get home soon, kid. I’m ready.
864/820: It’ll be nice to have friends again. Well, maybe. But at least I’ll watch ‘The Wire’ more. You can’t beat that Marlo Stanfield.
Melanie: Oh come on, silly. You didn’t think I would actually do that, did you? Everything I have now is because of you. You know that. Love you, baby, can’t wait till you get home.
Published on April 28, 2008 at 12:00 pm
