Becker: It’s all yours, my friend. The last year and a half has been awesome. Somehow, you became much more sensical after your summer in Richmond. (That’s my way of saying you’ll be a helluva sports editor, better than me.) But I’ll still be around … if you ever need to know whether a word needs to be hyphenated.

Licker When you dropped your ‘To Fivel … Love, Meaty’ letter on my desk, I wasn’t sure how effective an assistant sports editor you’d be. Yet in the semester you’ve been on board, somehow you’ve failed in every capacity. Just kidding, man. I’m glad you’re staying on board next semester. As much as we rag on you, you strengthen this section 10-fold.

Gorman: My GOD you are a crazy kid. I can tell you’re gonna make a great sports editor one day. This is a big semester for you, man. One last chance to learn all the ins and outs. Do not waste a single second. Ask questions. Make suggestions, and be confident offering them. You’re next. And believe me, it creeps up on you faster than you expect.

Kilgore: Holy shit, I had no idea how stressful this job was until I finally did it. How did you last a whole year? Now I get a feeling those subtle but overt references to suicide you made last year weren’t jokes. Anyway, T-Stone tonight at 5?

Staff: You made this the best college sports section in the country. No other college sports section gets the scoops we do as consistently. With experience, you’ll keep getting stronger. I see the talent on this staff and I’m confident this paper will prosper.

The Big Five: You’ve influenced me immeasurably. I can’t believe that now I’m actually where you were, back when I first got here. If, two years from now, I’m where you are again, I’ll be thrilled. You guys are the most talented group of writers I’ll probably ever have worked with. OK, I’m getting off my knees now.

Justin: For a neo-con, you’re damn funny. Our political discussions were only bettered by our class together. Maybe one day, we’ll actually be real members of the LJR media instead of just puppets.

Rob: Who would have thought that the Ferris Bueller who once considered writing a side bar on ‘the rules of field hockey’ would rise to editor in chief? Not you. Not me. Not Kathleen Parker. But somehow, like all your life’s endeavors, you fell ass backward to it. Just kidding, man. No doubt, you’ll make a great EIC. And roommate. … And U.S. President.

Three crazy hoes: The cackle-to-door slamming ratio must have been about 1:3. That said, you kept the house loose. Two of ya’ll are taking off. The one that remains … well, I bet the craziness won’t subside. Enjoy France, feature and feminism, respectively. We’ll be in touch, no dizoubt.

Design: FINALLY, a competent design staff! Not only are you the least-known-about hot chicks in Syracuse, you’re also the most talented dancers/Adobe InDesign wizards since a young Tito Bottitta. L-Dawg, M-Pear, AK-47, B-Money, F-City … and Mike. In the most dramatic way possible, goodnight y’all, for one last time. (Tear.)

News: Ace reporter Touchdown Terry Johnson ran the best section. Then again, my only comparison is seeing last year’s libelous/untrue reports on athletes run. Still, you ran a tight ship. Christine, the sweetheart. Dave, one of the funniest kids I’ve ever met. Kovach, still competing with Poster. And Terry, bitching about it all.

Feature: In August, I bet $300 that The D.O. feature room would collapse in on itself and create a black hole by semester’s end. Instead, the section continually improved all semester, and I think it’s in damn good shape right now. No, I didn’t really bet $300. But yes, the section looks real good.

Copy: Don’t kid yourselves. You are the least important part of the paper. And somehow your computers were the best ones upstairs. What gives? Eh … Don’t listen to me. I’m a crusty, bitter hack because I’d wait 10 minutes for my AOL.com page to open. You were good people for letting us use your computers so often. And I can only assume you did something to earn that measly D.O. wager.

Tito: Thanks for the D.O. keys.

Published on December 9, 2004 at 12:00 pm