Just like every sports season ends with its overdose of yearly awards, every seasonal notebook or column in every newspaper or magazine must invariably end with its own version of those same awards.

For every Hart or Heisman, some hack with halitosis feels compelled to publish his hackneyed postseason honors.

For every guy named Groza and every Lady named Byng, we get to hear the opinion of every man and woman with an opinion and a keyboard.

So how can I resist?

To mark the conclusion of college basketball’s regular season, here are The First Non-Annual Pointless Awards, sponsored by soontobebankrupt.com. These awards are dedicated to the pointlessness of journalistic opinion and the many pointless games of the following honorees.

And please, no thank you speeches necessary.

Lloyd Christmas Award

For the year’s dumbest academic performance, this award belongs to USC forward Sam Clancy. Although the senior averages 18.9 points on the court, his cumulative GPA of 1.9 knocked him out of consideration for the Wooden Award. ‘School,’ Clancy said, ‘was never my favorite thing to do.’

Chandra Levy Award

For the year’s best on-court disappearance, this award goes to Iowa senior Luke Recker. Although the guard began the season as a bona fide All-America candidate, he — like the Hawkeyes — has slumped greatly in Big Ten play. In conference games, Recker averages 14 points, helping Iowa fall from No. 7 in the nation to No. 8 in the Big Ten.

Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje Award

For the year’s best name, this award belongs to Sacred Heart sophomore Mading Mading. The 7-foot-2 center from Khartoum, Africa, has yet to post more than four points or six rebounds in any of the Pioneers’ games, but one could argue that every time he steps on the court he already enters with a double-double.

Jim Mora Award

For the year’s best quote, this award belongs to Bobby Knight. When a reporter asked the Texas Tech head coach why attendance is so high when he is the opposing coach, Knight said, ‘I think some people think it’s like going to see Santa Claus. We’re a lot alike. Affable, friendly … a little overweight. And we both have white hair.’

Brian Cardinal Award

For the player who seems like he’s been in college for 25 years, this award goes to St. John’s perennial Andrew Glover. Remember seeing those Boilermakers in the NCAA Tournament every year and the shock that accompanied the moment you realized that the balding Cardinal was still on the roster? ‘I thought he was a senior last year,’ you’d say. ‘Come to think of it, I thought he was a senior the year before that, too.’

Chris Chandler Award

For the year’s most brittle player, this award will be passed around the hospital room of the Colorado Buffaloes. A tempest of injuries has forced CU coach Ricardo Patton to use 12 different starting lineups. After senior forward D.J. Harrison broke his hand in a game against Kansas State, the Buffs were down to just seven scholarship players.

Sebastian the Ibis Award

For the year’s most unlikely troublemaker — remember the 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty assessed to Miami’s mascot during last year’s Sugar Bowl? — this award goes to Doug Tammaro, Arizona State’s sports information director. Tammaro was ejected from a recent UCLA-ASU game when he rolled his eyes at the call of longtime Pac-10 referee Charlie Range.

To conclude the awards ceremony, let’s focus on five upcoming basketball contests that are anything but pointless.

No. 13 Oregon (+3.5) at No. 19 USC

No TV, Thursday, 10:30 p.m.

Shockingly, six teams — Oregon, California, USC, Arizona, Stanford and UCLA — are still in competition for the Pac-10 title as the season heads into its final week.

While a six-way tie is still mathematically possible, the Ducks, who haven’t won a league title since 1945, could clinch a share of the championship with a win over the Trojans.

Oregon finished its year 16-0 at home, equaling a mark set 64 years ago. Speaking of records, Oregon nailed 16 three-pointers last week against Washington State. Luke Ridnour led the Ducks with a career-high 25 points, and four others added double digits.

It’s a balance that is reminiscent of, well, the Pac-10 standings.

Pick: USC, 72-70

No. 8 Florida (-2.5) at No. 11 Kentucky

CBS, Saturday, noon

Recently, Kentucky certainly put the Wild in Cats.

Wildcat guards Gerald Fitch and Cory Sears were each suspended a game one week ago when they tussled on a charter plane coming from a game at Georgia. Before that, head coach Tubby Smith suspended freshman Rashaad Carruth, benched star Keith Bogans and shoved junior forward Jules Camera onto the floor during a game.

Last week, Fitch got into further trouble when he and teammate Erik Daniels received a suspension for attempting to enter a Lexington, Ky., club with fake IDs. Smith reinstated the two players on Tuesday, but now the Wildcats face a much greater task — reclaiming their season and reducing their Wild-cat moniker from a lifestyle to a nickname.

Pick: Florida, 87-69

N.C. State (+5.5) at No. 24 Wake Forest

CBS, Saturday, 2 p.m.

With the late-season collapse of Virginia, the ACC, widely regarded as college basketball’s premier conference, may only send four teams to the tournament. Two of those four, Duke and Maryland, figure to land No. 1 seeds.

The other two are North Carolina State and Wake Forest. They may not receive much attention outside of the Tar Heel State, but both teams likely have a couple followers overseas.

Wolfpack forward Ilian Evtimov, a native of Bulgaria, may have surpassed more heralded teammate Julius Hodge for conference Rookie of the Year honors, while Deacons senior Darius Songaila, from Lithuania, leads the team in scoring and rebounding.

Speaking of rebounding, that’s exactly what Wake hopes to do after its heartbreaking, last-second loss to Maryland on Sunday.

Pick: Wake Forest, 81-72

Boston College (+2.5) at Syracuse

CBS, Sunday, noon

Rarely does a Big East team miss the NCAA Tournament with a 20-win season, but Boston College is trying its hardest.

The Eagles would still have been in jeopardy if they hadn’t lost three of their last four and five of their last eight, but this latest skid assures that BC won’t notch 20 wins during the regular season.

Despite the play of Troy Bell, the Big East’s leading scorer with 22.2 points per game, and a preseason ranking in the top 20, Boston College has puzzled experts by failing to replicate the success that led to a No. 3 seed last season.

It’s unlikely the Eagles will find it Sunday.

Pick: Syracuse, 68-62

No. 1 Kansas (-12.5) at Missouri

CBS, Sunday, 2 p.m.

The Tigers recorded their 20th victory Monday, defeating No. 12 Oklahoma State in a game that should launch them from the bubble into the Field of 65.

With a 9-6 conference record in the Big 12, though, one more victory wouldn’t hurt. Especially against the No. 1 Jayhawks, who looked vulnerable in their one-point victory against Nebraska.

While Kansas didn’t perform up to par in a game against the Huskers, who rarely make the cut, don’t expect a repeat performance. Kansas, with a victory last night against Kansas State, can clinch its first undefeated conference season since 1971.

Pick: Kansas, 76-66

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Published on February 27, 2002 at 12:00 pm